Thou art God? Who art thou?

So I am having a late night crisis of faith. This may all look silly in the light of day or it could prove to be an epiphany. I have been re-reading part of Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein and again I am confronted by "Mike" aka Valentine Michael Smith aka the Man from Mars has to say about God. Thou art God, Mike says. I am God and you are God and all that groks is God, Mike says. Could this be right and just what would it mean if it were?

Is God transcendent? Is God beyond us? Is God a separate entity? Is God the sum of our parts (perhaps not just humans, but all that groks)? Is God some emergent property that is somewhat greater than our parts, but still created from them?

Scripture tells us not to test God, but Scripture also tells us about many saints and sinners who did test God, often to fruitful results. Can I ask for proof that God exists? Can there be proof that God exists within this lifetime? Just what would satisfy me as proof? If I believed that I had received proof that God exists, would that simply make me insane?

I find myself more sure of my trip to Burning Man than I am of my next year at seminary. I have failed my first year seminar at seminary and I cannot progress to the second year without it. Did my subconscious make me fail on purpose? Was I really as busy as I felt? If I really meant to fail on some level, then why was that? Do I not want to go to seminary at all? Do I not watn to succeed? Do I want to be at another seminary? Was this a way of attempting escape passively?

The passive escape option seems closest to correct, but has it really gotten me anywhere. If I continue seminary then I will be here for 4 years rather than 3 years, so that suggests no. On the other hand, failing my first year seminar has given me some breathing room in that if I must be here four years then I do have time for more classes beyond the requirements. With this extra time, I may take classes that would not otherwise fit in my schedule.

Well, I am feeling no closer on the God question, but I am feeling clearer and calmer. Perhpas now I will be able to fall asleep.

Clearness Committee

I am experiencing my first time as a person on a clearness committee. I have called a clearness committee once to help me gain clearness and now it's my turn. My friend is trying to determine her direction in life. I can't give you any of the specifics, but it seems like quite a broad question. On the other hand, she has an answer in mind already. Both of these things make the committee a little perplexing, but what I remember most from my turn on the other side, the thing I remember most was the sense of confidence it instilled in me about my own opinions and ability to choose my direction.

The question remains, however, can I look at a curriculum vitae, description of someone's life and personality and make a conclusion as to whether she is making the right decision. well, part of the beauty of this process is that she is the one who comes up with the answer. We only ask questions. I just hope that they are sufficiently helpful.

Baptism

I have a friend that is getting baptized in a pond tomorrow. I now belong to a denomination where baptism is highly valued. At one time it was illegal for people to be rebaptized. There were even people who became martyrs because of their baptisms.

Of all my convictions, baptism just is not that high on the list, if it even makes it. I certainly would not want to go back to a world where people could be executed for performing baptisms, but if we did live in that world, I don't know if I would fight for baptism for myself. As a Catholic, I was baptized by trine immersion in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. My parents and godparents pledged that they would raise me well and the community pledged to care for me.

This adult baptism stuff is quite different. I doubt there will be any godparents and I don't think my friend's parents will be there either. I guess it's a public declaration on her part of her dedication to God. I'm curious to see what it will be like. I still can't get over the fact that it will be in a pond.

Leadership

I was listening to some classmates talk the other day about how they would never want to be involved in politics? They enjoy discussing politics and are activists. What they meant was more specific. They would never want to be politicians.

Is that the way that most people feel or are there plenty of people interested in leading our nation and world? Another friend said to me that he did not want to be involved in issuses beyond the local level. I want to be involved at the national and international level. Hel, if there were extraterrestrials out there with whom we had diplomatic relations then I would want to be involved on that level too.

If there are so few people out there that care then perhaps I really do have a calling for public life. The hardest part for me would be dealing with character assassination. I like to be liked and it would not be so easy to have people out there that hated me based on little more than television advertizements.

Visiting a Local Church

Today I listened to a sermon about Oreo cookies and Tootsie Roll Pops, I suppose that I should have expected something like this from someone whose previous sermon that I heard was about her desire to be a rubber band. The truth is that it was not her inane examples that bothered me the most this time.

What really ticked me off was how she told us that the reason people get depressed is because they do not ask for help. Furthermore, the reason they are depressed is because they do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It seems from her perspective that it might be possible to know Jesus and be depressed, but it was as rare as gold.

Oh, there was also the wholesale condemnation of all non-Christians. Apparently no Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist knows God. That was just too much. I was beginning to feel like vomiting by the end of it.

My understanding of God and of the world seem wholly compatible with this preacher and probably most of her congregation as well.